5 STEPS OUT OF THE CRISIS TO NEW LOVE HAPPINESS

Falling in love, dispute is the order of the day? With these 5 steps couples find the way out of the crisis to new love bliss.

Freshly in love, it's easy to be nice and attentive. Being together always feels like an adventure. Both are forgiving and usually wonderfully communicative. But at some point the hormones calm down. Then being together is often rather bland and instead of fluttering butterflies there are sometimes flying rags.

At that point, you might think: we just don't fit together. I have to split up. Or drag your partner to couple therapy. But that's usually not true.

THERE IS ANOTHER WAY!

Because: Love is not really completely gone. You have only lost access to it. But you can find it again. All you need to do is go back from the crisis to more harmony and liveliness. It consists of the following steps, which you go together or first of all each for yourself. In everyday life, of course, they don't always follow one another so clearly.

Step 1: Identify the problem and the cause of the crisis

Everyone for themselves: The problem sometimes is that you don't really know what the problem is. You just feel: something is not going. Get to the bottom of the feeling. Ask yourself: What has changed since we fell in love? Why do we fight so often? Why is there so little tenderness? Why did the bond between us become so thin?

Together: Ask your partner to think about these things as well. What do you think is your current problem? Talk about your findings. It is very important to listen carefully. Everyone has at least 15 minutes of speaking time during which they must not be interrupted. In the end, the other summarizes what he has understood. Important: He doesn't rate anything.

Step 2: Clarify the background to the crisis, respect values

Each one for itself: Psychologists know that the behavior - small defects, medium quirks - of our partner particularly disturbs us if it violates a value that is very important to us. So think about: What triggers his (wrong) behavior with me? Why exactly does it bother me that he says little? Do I not feel respected? Do I feel like he doesn't see us as a team?

Together: Even with this step, it is very, very important that you listen to each other well. But take this opportunity to talk about values ​​in general. Ask each other: How important is it to you… punctuality? Equal rights? Courtesy? Recognition? Humor? Harmony? This way you get to know each other even better as a couple.

Step 3: Take responsibility for the relationship and shared love happiness

Everyone for themselves: So far, the focus has been more on the partner. On what he does or doesn't do. Now it's your turn. Go to court with yourself: what mistakes have you made recently? Where were you not a good partner? Be open to yourself, but please stay friendly. Desert self-abuse doesn't get you anywhere.

Together: This also applies to the discussion on this point. If your loved one doesn't see where he did something wrong - okay! Don't count his mistakes. Even if it is difficult: Instead, tell him what you think you did not manage so well. Tell him that you want to take more responsibility for your relationship in the future. And ask him to try that too.

Step 4: Express your wishes in order to find new happiness in love

Each for yourself: think big when you start to think about your longings. What should your relationship look like in an ideal world? How would everyday life be? How do you want to feel? Take your time and check yourself from time to time: Do I really want this? Could I really stand it if my partner told me every day how great I am? At the end of the considerations, determine what your partner should do in order to improve your relationship.

Together: After you have told yourself about your wishes, tell each other openly which of the other's wishes you are willing to fulfill - or which you at least want to try.

Step 5: Change perspective and try to understand the partner

Each for yourself: as a couple, you may have taken these steps together so far. If so: congratulations! If not: don't worry! Psychologists know that the “system” relationship changes even if only a part of it changes. It is important, however, that you try to put yourself in your partner's shoes. So: What do you think he feels like? Why does he behave the way he does? Caution: In 99.9 percent of cases, simply accusing him of being unloving is too easy!

Together: If you feel that the other is trying to really understand you, you are much more willing to do more for love. So: tell your loved one that you want to understand his position.

Feel love again

Relationship work is important, but fun is at least as important. Bring more of this back into your everyday life. Laugh together, for example about a comedy.

Small changes in the daily routine can make big changes.